foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
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