If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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