Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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