after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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