For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
