you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
