remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
