i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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