and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
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Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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