i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
