can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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