im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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