I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable