I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...