He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
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Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
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I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.