It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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