we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
