In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
