can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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