I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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