theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
