They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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