cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
