I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
