why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
