New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
