p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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