i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
