Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Duck Duck Cougar?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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