Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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