I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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