watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
