all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
don't judge my taste in strippers
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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