Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
