today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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