Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
