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I forgot how hot balto sounded
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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