Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
