Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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