u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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