I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Randomize
