he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
