Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
