I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
