I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Porn is love you can see.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
