Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
