I heard we made out
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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