oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
