i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
