I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
