My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
