I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
