Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
