One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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