we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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