Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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