you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
