I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
