the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
