oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
