oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
