I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
