Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We need to get me chipped asap
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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