Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
This toilet bowl is my home.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
