Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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