so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
