fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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