Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
