I got chris browned last night
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
