Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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