the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
