I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
