i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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