So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
