Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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