so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
