and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
