i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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