Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
