went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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