i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize